I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. It's time. BUT the leaf just won't turn over.
I'm getting stronger after the pancreas procedure but I find myself wanting to stay stuck right where I am.
Not moving forward nor backward. Sitting on the sofa watching time pass me by.
Even the weather has improved to beyond beautiful with lots of sun and blue skies.
And still I sit. Contemplating possibilities. Options. Opportunities. Sometimes contemplating nothing.
Do I want to sit on the sofa forever and think sad thoughts about how upset I am that I have a pancreas disorder I do not understand.
I fit none of the criteria for this illness, disorder, disease or whatever it is called. Research has turned up nothing. Zilch. Zero.
Writing usually brings me out of any funk I fall into. I go to my desk now and slowly shuffle the papers. The stories. Scraps papers full of
endless ideas for stories. Notes on how to improve "the" novel. Yet I still do not move toward the office chair.
No possibility of sitting down and actually putting pen to paper or fingers on the keyboard.
Have any of you ever been stuck in a life situation and could not get out?
How did you manage to get started again? It seems my engine doesn't want to turn over.
I know it's psychological. I know I have to make the effort. I know. I know. I know. It's me. Yet I can't seem to make the first move.
Any thoughts on how I can move from this awful, horrendous place and get myself back out into the sunny world again???
I usually can shame myself back into action by thinking of people who have situations
much more dire than mine.
It's not working. I still sit--- on the sofa. Sometimes with my head in a book and
sometimes not. Sometimes just staring out the window at the sunny deck or porch.
I'm not sure I'd even finish this blog if I were you --- it's so boring! I hate to be bored when reading something.
Perhaps I'll get off this sofa this very moment and do jumping jacks. Then again, probably not.
Please can you throw me a rope and pull me up!!!
Anything, even loud yelling to make me stop this nonsense.
I'm a pig in mud.
Thanks to any of you who made it through this dreadful post.
What is your story and how do you pull yourself up when you are down.