July 1, 2011

Moving Forward and Moving Backward!

Why is it that some days we move forward and some backward?

As for me, I believe  it's because I don't have a plan. Or I haven't  this summer.

The days are flitting past  like fireflies in the night, their illusive lights blinking, "Come - follow me."

And there I am running behind them - an imaginary Mason jar stretched out in my hand trying to catch each one.  "Come back sunny days," I call, "so that I might use you as I planned all last winter when I lived beneath my cozy couch blanket."

This was to be the summer that I got things done. Great things! The summer of accomplishments!

I was going to rework one of my novels and make it into, well, into something other than what it is.

I was going to finish some short stories that had been languishing in the desk drawer.

I was going to get a natural tan, not too much, but just enough to not look sickly.

I was going to sit on the quilt my grandmother made in the shade of the big tree in our backyard and READ READ READ.

I was going to stretch out on that quilt and watch the sun make various leaf patterns on the blue sky, as a soft breeze swept through.

I was going to dream. Daydream like  when I was a kid.

I was going to. I was going to. I was going to - move forward. And, maybe, some days I have.

But there have been more days that I haven't.

Some days I've just stood still.

Some days I've stood and watered the plants on the deck and watched the bug action in the soil. Watched how the plants absorb the liquid and watched how they come back to life.
I've spent more time with R than I'd planned due to some medical issues. We've laughed more. And watched more movies.

Moving forward and backward. And,  sometimes  not moving at all.

Maybe that's what this particular summer was meant for. Perhaps it was  meant to have its own agenda.

For it surely has.

On my way to accomplishing what I thought I needed to,  perhaps,  I've accomplished some things unseen. Illusive,  like the firefly. And it will unfold its truth to me as gently as the butterfly unfolds her wings. Slowly, maybe swiftly. But in her own time.

How's your summer going? Good bad or indifferent?
I'd like to hear from you. Always! Blessings!

17 comments:

  1. As for the things you haven't yet done, there's still a lot of summer left. And as for not doing? Sometimes, it's more important just to be in the moment than it is to do.

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  2. Sounds like you have WAY too much on your plate. Just reworking your novel would have been enough. You need to take time to re-energize yourself by "smelling the roses", watching the bug life, daydreaming. "Slow down, you move too fast.
    You got to make the morning last.
    Just kicking down the cobble stones.
    Looking for fun and feelin' groovy."
    Can you dig it?

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  3. Summer's not over. Grab the ring and ride!

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  4. You've gotten more accomplished than I have.

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  5. The same goes for me, I wanted to get a lot done, but wound up babysitting my grandkids. There's a lot of joy to be had but somtimes I want to just still away and read or write. It's not going to happen until school starts and I might as well forget it.. Sounds like you've got a lot done though..Susie

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  6. Some days, still is the best thing to be.

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  7. You may not have accomplished the "many things", but it seems like you've accomplished the important things. Taking time to really look at life is what more people should do. The rest usually takes care of itself. My summer is being spent working more than I'd like and no real vacation plans. But I do enjoy my yard and gardens and grandkiddos and will try to do as much of that as I can. This summer is truly flying by. I hope your weekend is fun! Happy July 4th!

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  8. This is a wonderful piece, Barb. I like it a lot. I sympathize. I empathize. I ask myself "What if I WERE organized? What all could I get done?" But then again, what all would I miss? Gotta remember we're human beings, not human doings.

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  9. You seem to be inside my head. I, too, had so many things I wanted to get done this summer. And it's just not going to happen. Frustrating, oh yes. But, you know, thankfully, there's always tomorrow.

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  10. Summers are always so busy. Seems like the more we do, the more there is to do. It is frustrating, but we have to just take it one day at a time and keep stepping forward and hopefully we'll get everything done.

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  11. I've realized several things as I read your comments. I set myself up for failure by planning way to much for myself to do. Then I have these high expectations. The perfectionist gene. It drives me wild.
    I have enjoyed the porch, the deck, the flowers, and all the wildlife that visits.
    I need to take a deep breath and relax some more. Stress less and rest more. Maybe that will be my new plan. Loved hearing from you all.
    Barb

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  12. summers are for the grandkid visits. one down three more to go. and somewhere in there I must get some work done. plus I am so easily distracted these days.

    thanks for visiting me and coming along on my journey.

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  13. I love the firefly analogy for your summer. It sounds to me like you're having a perfect summer - slow time, spent filling your heart.

    I'm not accomplishing what I'd planned to, either, but am so grateful for this stretch of time to be still and grieve my mom and daughter.

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  14. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom and daughter.
    How terrible.
    Please know that I am sending good thoughts your way.
    God bless. Praying for you.
    Barb

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  15. I think your summer is going along as it should, Barb. Bringing wilting plants back to life, seeing–really seeing–our beautiful world are precious moments. My trip to Alaska was hectic, but I had some quiet times to lose myself in the beauty, space, and wildness that make up that incredible state. Home again, I hope I can recapture the sense of peace I felt.

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  16. Barb,
    I LOVE this post, as it so perfectly dovetails with my life this summer! As a teacher with "summer off" I always pack about 6 months worth of doing into my summer. This summer, knee surgery totally put a hold on what I had planned. But, I have to believe the plan for my life is orchestrated by God, as without that belief, I would surely lose hope. I think your summer is becoming what it was meant to be. Bless you!

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