August 25, 2011


On September 2 at O.S.U. Medical Center  I'll be having an endoscopic ultrasound probe of the pancreas. This will result in photos of the pancreas and it's current condition - which was great two years ago during same procedure. I have a feeling I'm suffering from some nerve damage done when the Spinchter of Oddi in the pancreas was cut on 6+ years ago.

Procedure sounds not so fun but I'll be asleep and won't care.

The doctor at this point is planning to do a nerve block on a cluster of nerves in the pancreas - I thought he said they were called the Celiac nerves.

Not positive.

I'm trying to retain only enough knowledge to get by.

I'm tired of doing research and have decided to leave this to the experts.

I've quit worrying and that's helped. LOTS.

Today I did yoga for the first time in months. Other than being a stiff old broad, I did fine.

So my plan is to do yoga every day as long as I can. It's fun and I love the Rodney Yee tape. We work well together!!!

Thanks to all of YOU who have made my days brighter with great comments and suggestions.

I am on the road back.

Blessings, Barb

August 18, 2011

Stuck in time..

I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. It's time. BUT the leaf just won't turn over.

I'm getting stronger after the pancreas procedure but I find myself wanting to stay stuck right where I am.

Not moving forward nor backward. Sitting on the sofa watching time pass me by.

Even the weather has improved to beyond beautiful with lots of sun and blue skies.

And still I sit. Contemplating possibilities. Options. Opportunities. Sometimes contemplating nothing.

Do I want to sit on the sofa forever and think sad thoughts about how upset I am that I have a pancreas disorder I do not understand.

I fit none of the criteria for this illness, disorder, disease or whatever it is called. Research has turned up nothing. Zilch. Zero.

Writing usually brings me out of any funk I fall into. I go to my desk now and slowly shuffle the papers. The stories. Scraps papers full of

endless ideas for stories. Notes on how to improve "the" novel. Yet I still do not move toward the office chair.

No possibility of sitting down and actually putting pen to paper or fingers on the keyboard.

Have any of you ever been stuck in a life situation and could not get out?

How did you manage to get started again? It seems my engine doesn't want to turn over.

I know it's psychological. I know I have to make the effort. I know. I know. I know. It's me. Yet I can't seem to make the first move.

Any thoughts on how I can move from this awful, horrendous place and get myself back out into the sunny world again???

I usually can shame myself back into action by thinking of people who have situations

much more dire than mine. 

It's not working. I still sit---  on the sofa. Sometimes with my head in a book and

sometimes not. Sometimes just staring out the window at the sunny deck or porch.

I'm not sure I'd even finish this blog if I were you --- it's so boring! I hate to be bored when reading something.

Perhaps I'll get off this sofa this very moment and do jumping jacks. Then again,  probably not.

Please can you throw me a rope and pull me up!!!

Anything, even loud yelling to make me stop this nonsense.

I'm a pig in mud.

Thanks to any of you who made it through this dreadful post.

What is  your story and how do you pull yourself up when you are down.

Thanks! Barb

August 3, 2011

Pancreas Debuts Again...

I haven't been around to read blogs or catch up on my own. I had another ERCP to put a stent in the pancreas duct. Ended with a three day hospital stay.
I'm home now and recovering. Feeling 100% better than before I went in.

Does anyone know anything about the workings of the pancreas?

I'm still looking for answers and I think there are none.

Dr. Groce doesn't know if this condition  is genetic or caused by gall stones gone wild,  scarring the pancreas duct. Scar tissue grows I assume and makes the opening more narrow.
Here I must say the doctor and his staff at O.S.U. have been terrific. (The pain not so much. The hospital stay not so much.  But that's a story in itself.)

The balloon he uses to open the duct helps and then he puts in a stent that comes out automatically in several days. Thank God. Don't want him to go back fishing for it!!!

My daughter Susan and my sister have this problem as well.

It seems there is no cure for it. There is one surgery to "sew" open the duct permanently. My question is, "does the pancreas duct wish to be opened permanently???" And shouldn't they consider what the pancreas wants and what is best in the long run for it and me and our long term relationship?

I'm recovering and feeling better each day. I've had a number of these procedures and Doctor G  says this is the last he'll do. Next time it will be surgery. I can balk and refuse which I might do. But I'd feel awful the rest of my life and then die.

Aren't the solutions endless!

Do you or anyone you know have this problem. I would certainly love to hear any comments, opinions, advice or just plain sympathy which is most
welcome. I'm over the part of feeling sorry for myself but could fall easily back into it.

I'm in the phase right now where I'm loving life, thanking God the pain is gone, the procedure is over and that I have some good months ahead.

Isn't that really all we each have?

Or is it just this one glorious second?

I'll leave you with that thought.

Any light you can shed on this will be welcome. Or if you just want to talk about something else entirely that's welcome too.

It' just good to feel well enough to be on here.

Blessings. B
PS the novel still awaits rewriting and I'll be back soon with a chapter for you to read! Smile! I know you can't wait!